The Barren City
Updated: Dec 20, 2018
Once more, I have neglected and thrown her away like trash from yesterday. I often ask myself when will I realize her purpose in keeping me safe and secure in this journey called life? Throughout this Journey, despite the ups and downs, she has served her purpose of upholding me in my integrity. Despite the support she’s provided, I find myself unable to commit.
I find it quite funny yet difficult to admit, but I miss her warmth, comfort, and hope. The effects of her not being a consistent part of my life is a struggle and in some cases debilitating. Perhaps it’s the fact that she requires so much of me or maybe it’s the constant reminder that, I need her to be successful in my endeavors. Wow, that’s it! I need her; maybe that’s what makes me so crazy. The fact of the matter is without her I won’t make it. I must face the fact that, slowly but surely, I’m losing sight of what we used to have together.
She has been the catalyst for my success. Thus, it is imperative that I make a sound decision to either commit or disconnect. There is absolutely no point to constantly break up and makeup. I must be honest; I'm tired of dancing with indecision. Like a game of
hokie pokie, I am in one day and out the next. As I chronicle through the events of my life, she was there all the while. I’m sure she has been waiting for me to see that she is the only one I need. I’ve fallen in and out of love with her so many times, when all I really want to do is be consistent. What else does she have to prove. I must be insane to think that I will receive anything from her if I continue to be unstable in all my ways.
In one of my most memorable trials, she was the present help that I clung to for dear life. I didn’t know her but came to understand that she was the reason I made it through. Life turned me upside down, just to turn me right side up! By reflecting on my past, I was able to identify road blocks, stop signs, and caution lights that were placed there by her. She has shown unconditional love for me in all the years I’ve know her. She has shown me how to live life without boundaries. I’m embarrassed by the way I’ve treated her, she-my faith has become my desolate city.
I have made the decision to revitalize our relationship after many years of inconsistencies. No more instability. I have decided that this time, I am all in! No more looking back for me. Each time the enemy came in like a flood, I found inconsistencies with my faith. Doubt and unbelief are antagonists that have contributed to my failed relationship; while keeping me in a revolving cycle and hindering my progress. It is crucial that I reconnect. For this reason, I choose to stand on Hebrews 11:1 “[Now faith is the substance of thing hoped for…] “
No longer will she be a desolate city, neglected and underdeveloped. She will be at the center of all I do and say. I can’t see faith, but her presence is warm, comforting and reassuring. from now on I choose to stand despite the obstacles I am faced with.
By: Sherjuana Carr